The Reason I've Foregone Deletion

So good people, it’s like this. I’ve got a thing for Middle Easterners. I don’t know how to explain it – I just like ‘em… that is, until they pull shenanigans on me. This is a story of exactly that. Not too many weeks ago I was having a delightful conversation with two of my Assyrian buddies, one of whom I tend to trust. We usually attempt to add to my pathetically meager Assyrian vocabulary and this day was no exception. I eagerly soaked up the words “ikhreh erah” which, it was explained, is an endearing term that expresses fond appreciation for another’s aesthetic appeal… in other words, “you look pretty.”

Armed with this pleasant knowledge I went about my life, fully prepared to employ my arsenal of charm whenever appropriate circumstances arose. Today was one such circumstance. I walked upstairs to the breakroom to take my lunch whereupon I was greeted by my Assyrian friend Ramsina and her 2 ½ year old niece. The niece and I fell into easy chatter, comprised mostly of gibberish and clucking. Aware that the precious child is fluent in Assyrian only I looked her dead square in the eye and, summoning every ounce of dictional bravery I proclaimed that she was, indeed, ikhreh erah. Her steady stream of nonsense continued uninterrupted whereas her aunt, my dear coworker, blanched. She exclaimed, “Don’t say that around her!!!! Do you EVEN know what that means?!” Astounded at the reaction I intimated that apparently I did not. Gracious as ever, she explicated the terminology which, as it turns out, has far more to do with fecal matter and genitalia than anything resembling affectionate beauty. Furthermore, the weapons of wit I had discharged appear to be exceedingly appropriate for the nautical riffraff (and by this I mean dirty pirate hookers), rather than genteel company due to their excessively vulgar nature. Apologizing profusely I made my escape, shared the anecdote with two other Assyrian fellows who found a great deal of mirth in the unfortunate episode. As soon as I figure out how to retaliate I anticipate discovering a kernel of hilarity as well – in the meantime I’m reminded of the folly of believing men. Risky business, every time.