Let the Hot Flashes Begin

I was not built for extreme heat.  I know this because I near death every time the thermometer exceeds 95 degrees.  I also know that I am a wimp.  

In an effort to toughen up, I have begun researching simple tricks to acclimate myself to the debilitating temperatures that will inevitably mark my first summer in Redding.  What follows are my favorite tips on how to sleep through an extremely hot night.  Good people, I'll have you know that I am not making this up.

The first tip I found was called the "Laurence Method."  It entails kicking the covers off the bed.  Apparently, something so obvious as removing fabric intended to trap warmth as a means of cooling oneself required a label.  Whomever this Laurence is, he's a genius of sorts.  

Second - Position yourself spread-eagle and think cool thoughts.  I'm amazed at the brilliant self-awareness anyone might possess that would allow them to "think cool thoughts" while sinking into REM.  In an effort to toss cynicism aside I will attempt this mind-over-matter method. Right now, for example I am conjuring up images of hiking across a frozen tundra while scantily clad.  I feel no cooler.  

Next up - Sleep naked.  Again, I thought this was rather obvious, but okay, I'll go with it.  My favorite part of this tidbit was the admonishment to refrain from the skivvie-less tact if one lives with roomates or in a dorm.  Priceless.

And then there's the one about wetting your bedding/clothing in an effort to speed up evaporation - nevermind the fact that you'll be twisted in a tangle of hot, moist fabric until you suffocate.

Okay, enough sarcasm - there actually were some tips that seem viable: put a bowl of ice in front of a fan and position the air flow towards your face (I'll probably use this one tonight); freeze a couple of ice packs & place them at your feet & pulse points along your body; run cool water over your wrists a few minutes before bedtime; make a solution of rubbing alcohol, spearmint oil, and water, and spritz it on your face and neck if you start to overheat; use a pillow that retains less heat - buckwheat, for example, and go to bed with wet hair.

I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Inane Injustice

Good people, I pay taxes.  Roughly 20-30% of my income goes to Uncle Sam and at least one of his 50 retarded children.  Those taxes, presumably, go towards the upkeep of the roads upon which I drive and for which I am grateful.  I also, occasionally park upon those roads that are "publicly" owned.  I consider myself to be part of "the public."  Now, follow this with me.  Today I parked in a spot, upon the surface of a road that I, as a part of the collective whole, own.  I put money into a meter at $.25 per 12 minutes for the right to park in the spot that I own.  While spending money at the shops that surround the spot, I inadvertently allowed the meter to expire resulting in a parking ticket.  The meter maid is a public employee - to be clear, my taxes pay the meter maid who ticketed me.  I have now been charged by an individual I pay for overstaying my welcome on a small plot of land that I own, and had already paid to use.  Is it no wonder that I am mildly infuriated?